Monday, September 16, 2013

A Dolphin's Song

I dive the deep blue
To depths no man has been
I am wild
I am free
You will not touch me


Yet you come with hook and net
To ensnare to kill
You would devour the entire sea for your next meal
You herd my brethen
You cage some.
You kill the others.

We who were once many
Are now so few
You who were once so few
Are now so many
One day you will kill us all
Even me
But not today


As I rise up to breathe
I break free
from the bounds of my watery world
I jump
Briefly I fly
I soar through the sky
I feel so alive.

       Yauming Chiam 2013  

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Tonight I can write the saddest lines by Pablo Neruda



Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tries to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Phoenix fire - Draft

(This is a fictional story of a fireman who lost everything during the terrible bushfire on Black Saturday in Victoria 2009. I haven't completed it yet.)

Phoenix Fire thy beauty inspire
Mortal Men to accomplish immortal things,
Through heat and molten rain
Thy Birth is borne in utter pain


A man stands alone on a pristine beautiful beach. He is tall, handsome, well built, rugged. A perfect specimen of Australian manhood. Once he was offered a spot on the Collingwood football team. He rejected it, he hated Collingwood. :)


He is alone. Early morning. The air is bitingly cold. But the man does not notice even though he’s wearing just a pair of board shorts.

The beach is immense; the white sandy shoreline stretches for miles. There is absolutely no sign of human habitation. No cigarette butts, no broken bottles, just white fine sand washed for eons in the cold salt oceanic waters.

It was as beautiful as it was since the first day of creation.

He has been staring out into the vast ocean for a long time, it seems to have a hypnotic hold on him. Suddenly, he breaks into a jog, crashed into the roaring surf and dives into the foaming sea and starts swimming straight towards the horizon.

His name is Jack Brown and he's going to kill himself today.




He swam through that cold sea. The frigid current from the Antarctic met the South Australian Ocean here. His breaths were measured. His movements calm. Jack looked quite relaxed for someone who was planning to commit suicide by drowning. He planned to just swim until he ran out of strength and the ocean consumes him.

Jack was quite calm. Ridiculously serene actually. Everything seemed matter of fact. He didn't want to live any more. And today was a good day to die. He would just continue swimming pacing himself. Be the first man to swim to the South Pole, he thought to himself, and added “and then to be eaten by a Polar Bear”, and laughed.

Yet his strong sinewy muscles grew cold in the waters. Hypothermia was setting in. After a few more hours, he would get muscle cramps, he would struggle in the open sea. The dark waves would swallow him and he would finally drown.

All kinds of thoughts and past events were swirling around in his head like a merry go round. But it was too painful, too horrible for him to remember. He struggled with the haunting images in his mind and failed to overcome them. And so retreated into the physical world and concentrated on his swimming. Crafting every stroke. Measuring each breath. Perfecting the motion. Onwards he swam boldly in the blue sea. Alone and unafraid of its cold dark depths, yet paradoxically fearful of the monsters that slumbered inside his own mind.
After several hours of swimming, he heard a voice. He paused, incredulous. He was by now miles out into the open sea. He kept on swimming and the voice grew more louder and desperate. He stopped swimming again and started looking around. Was he going crazy? It was a woman's voice. Insane, out here??? And she was crying for help.

3

Jack swam towards the sound of her cries for help and found the drowning woman. She was struggling in the current, exhausted and desperately trying to keep her head above water.

He reached her just as she was about to disappear beneath the grey sea.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

She spluttered: "Who are .... I'm fucking drowning. What the hell do you think??".

His eyes was still clouded in disbelief and then she snapped, "The boat!"

He turned and looked - and saw the yacht a few miles away.

The current was strong - and it was a tough struggle to reach the boat. There was a loud party that was going on - plenty of alcohol. Pretty women in colorful bikinis. It didn't seem as if anyone would have noticed them. Fortunately, someone spotted their cries for help and a small dingy was launched to help Jack.

4

By this time everyone on the ship stopped whatever they were doing and watched the dingy rescue.

Jack felt very self conscious as they were both helped onto the deck. He felt uneasy with all the attention, especially the young women whose eyes wandered over his body sinfully.

A tall large man came forward and put out his hand.

"Mate, thanks for saving my wife."

"Yeah, no worries."

"My name with Kerry Wever. My mates call me "Weave". And this is my boat. Make yourself at home. Can I get you a beer mate?"



Jack shrugged. But Weave pushed a bottle into his hands.

"Here have this. Its great stuff – it’s a boutique Tasmanian lager." I liked it so much I bought the brewery.

The tall man eyed Jack inquisitively and rolled, "So where's your boat?"

Jack stared stone faced not knowing what to say. A few of the beautiful young girls crowded around Kerry, staring at the stranger with cat like femininity.

He stammered, the effects of the hypothermia still clogging his brain cells, "I don't have one... I err... I was out for a swim."

"You were out for a WHAT?!!!"  a bemused Kerry barked, almost choking on his words.

The girls started giggling.

"A Swim." muttered Jack defensively.

"Out here?"

"@#k mate. You've come out a @#king long way for a @#$king swim mate." Kerry said with a mocking tone.

A grizzly looking man from the boat's bridge - leaned over the railing and said,

"Boss, if you're trying to swim to Tasmania you're a bit late mate."

"Tasmania???" Jack startled, feeling very foolishly. He had this image of himself running aground into a Tasmania beach and screwing up his suicide attempt.

"A sheila's done it already. Swam there in 14 hours across the Bass. But you're going the wrong way mate, you're heading to the South Pacific Ocean."

At this stage, Jack angrily gritted his teeth and wanted to jump back into the ocean and carry on his swim the moment their backs were turned.

Kerry, having had a good laugh, and seeing the pain in Jack's face, slapped him on his back.

"Sorry son. We're just having some fun."

"Sit down. You must be exhausted. You're 100km out at sea."

"Come join us - we've got some great sausages on the barbie."


The aroma of fresh barbecued steak and sausages drifted through the air. But to Jack it was a stench. The smell of burnt meat nauseated him.

When he saw the BBQ machine, his face turned pale. On that grill instead of sausages lay the body parts of a child sizzling in the flames.


(to be continued...)


YaummingChiam Copyright 2009

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The Mermaid and the Drunks - Pablo Neruda

Fable of the Mermaid and the Drunks

All those men were there inside,
when she came in totally naked.
They had been drinking: they began to spit.
Newly come from the river, she knew nothing.
She was a mermaid who had lost her way.
The insults flowed down her gleaming flesh.
Obscenities drowned her golden breasts.
Not knowing tears, she did not weep tears.
Not knowing clothes, she did not have clothes.
They blackened her with burnt corks and cigarette stubs,
and rolled around laughing on the tavern floor.
She did not speak because she had no speech.
Her eyes were the colour of distant love,
her twin arms were made of white topaz.
Her lips moved, silent, in a coral light,
and suddenly she went out by that door.
Entering the river she was cleaned,
shining like a white stone in the rain,
and without looking back she swam again
swam towards emptiness, swam towards death.


I am...

I am like a kite without the wind
I am like the ship adrift in the ocean
I am the wanderer with no home of his own
I am the lover who is left alone.
YMC September 4th 2013.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Lana Del Rey - Ride: An abandonment to the senses

There's something about this song that resonates with me. I've experienced epic triumphs when I thought I had made it for good. All my problems were over. I was going to live the rest of my life in luxury and sheer happiness. Then suddenly through a series of unfortunate events - that in hindsight seemed fated to happen - it was all taken away from me.

I think the lifestyle that is being advocated in this video is ... sad. But I've done stupid things before so I don't judge. Yet, that wanton, promiscuous, hair in the wind, attitude is intoxicating to behold.

http://poptrashaddicts.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/lana-del-reys-ride-video-review.html




I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.
At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them.
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.
I was a singer - not a very popular one,
I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me why - but there's no use in talking to people who have home.
They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.
I was always an unusual girl.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...
And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...
Because I was born to be the other woman.
Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.
Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

I've been out on that open road
You can be my full time daddy,
White and gold
Singing blues has been getting old
You can be my full time baby,
Hot or cold

Don't break me down
I've been travelin' too long
I've been trying too hard
With one pretty song

I hear the birds on the summer breeze,
I drive fast, I am alone in the night
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,
but I, I've got a war in my mind
So, I just ride, just ride,
I just ride, just ride

Dying young and I'm playing hard
That's the way my father made his life an art
Drink all day and we talk 'til dark
That's the way the road dogs do it – ride 'til dark.

Don't leave me now
Don't say good bye
Don't turn around
Leave me high and dry

I hear the birds on the summer breeze,
I drive fast, I am alone in the night
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,
but I, I've got a war in my mind
I just ride, just ride,
I just ride, just ride

I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy
I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes
It's all I've got to keep myself sane, baby
So I just ride, I just ride

I hear the birds on the summer breeze,
I drive fast, I am alone in the night
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,
but I, I've got a war in my mind
I just ride, just ride,
I just ride, I just ride

[Music video spoken ending:]
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people, and finally I did on the open road.
We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art.
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.
I believe in the country America used to be.
I believe in the person I want to become.
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
And my motto is the same as ever:
"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride."
Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Natalie Portman with Pablo Neruda's words.mov

Father's Day 1 September 2013

My Father
You are everything I cannot be
I am condemned to stay in your shadow
Your contempt
Your disappointment haunt me

Morning wakeup 5am

For some reason, maybe due to the diving trips, I've been waking up at really early hours for over two months. I'm also losing weight - gosh I can see my abs in focus now. Not sure exactly why.


But waking up at 5am is not such a bad thing - unless I decide to email or text a friend.

I wrote this when I woke up.

The blackness of the night calls out my name. I wake. 
Its 5am. The silence of night lulls me out of slumber. 
Its not even Dawn and I'm fully awake.
With No dreams to remember I begin my day early.
Unnaturally early. Again. 
A fine way to begin the 1st September. 
Time for a morning run? 
But its not even dawn. 
YMC 1.9. 2013

Postscript - actually I think its quite likely the fact that I wake up every morning with a hard wood. The exercising, the healthy diet, have somehow contributed to a new body for me. Waking up at 5am with a huge erection would be wonderful if I had my female friend to share it with. But she's far away in heart and body. Not even sure she's my friend anymore. I miss her dearly.